my dying grandmother
a believer in god all of her life
said to me while she was constipated
& trying to reach up & pull shit out
of her asshole in the bathroom:
"there ain't no god--
don't listen to that garbage"
& a little while later as medics
wheeled her out on the gurney
she said, "change my room back
into a den b/c i ain't ever coming
back this time"
as her cheek bones rose
like islands of truth in her face
wiser anatomy than the wrinkled skin
i remember getting the news of her death
& standing in her empty room
next to my own & then kicking
her walker & making a hole
in the newly painted pink walls
my mother coming in saying,
"don't do that--someone else can use it"
after that i was convinced that all beds
are actually gurneys in disguise
it's just a matter of time